Thursday, January 03, 2008

Lessons I learned from ’07:


1. Putting the vegetarian in charge of the meat for the Christmas feast is like putting the Mormon in charge of bringing the liquor to the Bachelor Party.

2. It is possible to spend $25.00 on lunch at Taco Bell. You have to be from Scotland and have a sudden deep yearning to know the fundamental difference between a Classic and a Baja Gordita, while comparing it with all of the members of the Chalupa Family.

3. All of the items on the Taco Bell menu (with the notable exception of the unidentifiable compound that makes up the Cinnamon Twists) are made from the same 7 ingredients. They are combined into their different permutations by a sophisticated computer program and uploaded to the CHALUPANET for taste testing at the Top Secret facilities in Rio Rancho, New Mexico.

3. Dry Ice is a little over a dollar a pound and can be found at a liquor store in Wheaton, MD. The urge to toss a 2 pound block of the stuff into the Reflecting Pool in front of the Lincoln Memorial can be a bit overwhelming at times.

4. MTV has a Standards and Practice Department. (who knew?)

5. I have it on good authority that monkeys do not make good pets. “They’re awful! They shriek… constantly, they throw their shit all over the place, and they jump around a lot… Anyway, we had to get rid of him, but he ended up solving his own problem by escaping. I was living in Morocco at the time, so no one really noticed.” –Eric

6. Support and kindness sometimes come from the most unexpected places. This gives me hope that we hairless, talking monkeys just might have a chance in this world.

7. The worst things will always happen to the best people. That’s the way it is. The Universe has no concept of what is “Fair” or “Just”. It’s Us vs. The Universe. The odds are stacked against the little guys (that’s us, by the way), so keep your head down and your guard up, and remember the most dangerous part of any combat is friendly fire.

8. “It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we are free to do anything.” --Tyler Durden
I’m still dealing with this lesson, as well as Tyler’s other assertion: “The things that you own, own you.” Purge, my friends, purge.

Next…

Not so much a lesson but a quote that’s been stalking my conscious mind for a while now:

“The bottom line is, even if you see them coming, you’re not ready for the Big Moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really...but it does. So what are we? Puppets? No. The Big Moments, they come, you can’t help that. It’s what you do afterwards that counts. That’s when you find out who you are.”
-- Whistler, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

I think that the harder you try to resist the changes, the rougher the ride. I’m trying to let go a little bit more in ’08 and ride the current for a while… taking in the changes and letting them happen…

The last and most important lesson I learned in ’07:

9. I continue to survive the Sweeps Week episodes leading up to the mind-blowing season finale of the Truman Show that is my life…

Stay Tuned…